Marriage: Myth vs. Reality

I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage these past few years. For one, A. and I got married last fall, so obviously we had to think about it the whole deal of linking ourselves to each other for the duration. We also happen to be lesbians who live in a state where marriage equality does not exist, (c’mon, Washington! Iowa is outpacing us?? That’s crap!) so we pondered the legal, political and social dynamics of having a wedding without the legal legitimacy that our heterosexual friends and neighbors enjoy.

Mostly, though, we focused in on the aspect of choice: we were committing to continue choosing to be together romantically, financially, domestically, sexually, etc. forever. Like, forever forever. In the words of the incomparable Natalie Dee , we would be living in each other’s fart cloud until we’re dead. Whoa.

In all the exploration of the whole “forever” part of what we were about to do, I had to dissect and dismantle a lot of the myths of marriage. I wanted to make sure I was choosing reality, not some fantasy of what I hoped being married would be. I’ve asked around, done some unsolicited ninja judging of other people’s marriages, and basically it looks like there are three primary myths that need debunking if we all want to stay sane and happy-ish while plugging along in the fart cloud. Right now I’m going to do all you unmarried readers a solid and lay these out for you so you can have all the cards on the table before getting hitched. Consider it an engagement gift. If you’re already married and any of this seems like a stunning revelation to you, well… um… yeah, I don’t really know what to say to you because it’s too awkward to tell you that you might have to get divorced. Good luck with that.

MYTH 1: You’ll have a hot sex life forever.

MYTH #2: You will always want to be together and enjoy being in each other’s personal space

MYTH #3: You will always understand each other

If you can be content with the decidedly unglamorous side of forever-dom, then you are well on your way to being a marriage success story. Enjoy the fart cloud, y’all!