Things have been all cruh-zazy up in the LEON household due to some significant health issues A. has been having. We had to get all serious and focused-like. Frankly, I haven't been feeling very fucking bloggy. I especially haven't been feeling artistic, and although my "drawings" may lack, uh,
The good news is that I have been seeking distractions and ways to blow off steam which has lead to the welcome resurgence of a beloved game I invented back in my 20's up on Cap Hill (aka "The Gayborhood") around happy hour. I was waiting for a blind date, and after several false alarms I realized that every goddamned person who walked by looked the same. It was like the entire city of Seattle was wearing an ironic vintage t-shirt and grey hoody. I was soon catapulted to a deeply uncomfortable and confused place when I accidentally flashed my sexiest "nice to meet you" smile at a decidedly-not-legal male skateboarder who shuffled hastily past me like I was a deranged pedophile. Awkward.
I started wondering how often this happened to other people, and informal polls of my lesbian friends revealed that this guessing game was a fairly common occurrence. Apparently, this phenomenon is well documented. I started keeping my eyes peeled at the bus stop, in coffee shops, at the movies, and--in cases where the individual could be sufficiently confirmed as a gay man, a teenage boy, or a dykey lesbian--I developed an impressive record for speed and accuracy. Out of this mini-obsession grew the official game: Gay Man, Teenage Boy, or Dyke? Or, "GMTBD" as we playahs call it.
This game can be played anywhere you find good people-watching, and is spectacularly challenging here in the Greater Seattle area, as I imagine in will be in most diverse urban centers. It could prove challenging in rural parts, too! GMTBD can be played with friends or alone, requires no equipment or preparation, and is sure to provide hours of entertainment! Amazeballs!
Here is how it works:
1. Spot a difficult-to-identify stranger, typically facing away from you and/or at some distance away from where you are.
2. Guess if that person is a gay male, a teenage boy, or a dykey lesbian.
3. Wait until you can tell, then rejoice in your success or suffer the sting of defeat.
Here, let's try a practice round:
Casual hoody? Messenger bag? Short, breezy haircut? It's a mystery!
I won't keep you in suspense. The verdict is..........(drumroll).......:
DYKE
MSNBC's Rachel Maddow
At this point, you're likely thinking: "Hey, LEON, this is bullshit. Rachel Maddow was dressed like a teenage boy. No fair." To this I say: There is no "fair" in GMTBD. Let me illustrate:
GAY MAN
Singer Adam Lambert
The Biebs, AKA teen heartthrob Justin Bieber
DJ Samantha Ronson
GAY MAN
Actor TR Knight
TEENAGE BOY
Twilight "actor" Taylor Lautner
DYKE
Comedian & TV host Ellen Degeneres
GAY MAN
Actor Zachary Quinto
TEENAGE BOY
Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers
DYKE
"L Word" Actor Kate Moennig
See? It's like half the planet is shopping at Aeropostale.
The trick to GMTBD success is to play your odds. What are the odds that a couple of gay men are attending a lesbian parenting lecture? How likely is it that a couple of adult dykes are practicing jumping their dirt bikes off a ramp? Is it common for teen boys to hit the tanning salon? You get the picture. Two caveats on the common sense front: A) obviously, teenage boys can be gay men-in-training, so expect some cross-pollination in clues; and B) should you find yourself at a "mixed culture" event such as, oh, say, a "Glee" Tour concert, you may as well pack it in as you are basically S.O.L...
OK, so let's get guessing! Answers are at the bottom.
1.
(The answers are waaaaaay down there)
(Keep Going)
(Almost)
OK!
1. GAY MAN!
Actor Wentworth Miller
2. DYKE!
Comedian Rebecca Drysdale
3. TEENAGE BOY!
American Idol sensation David Archuletta
Let me know how you did. And please, share GMTBD with your friends and neighbors. In these tough economic times we all could use a little low-cost entertainment, non? Pay it forward, y'all.
(PS. Thanks for your patience in my absence. I know it's not really cool to launch a blog, drag you all into reading it, and then disappear for a couple of months. Lame. Please forgive me...you're super pretty.)
